Words have a powerful impact on their listeners. Depending on what we say, they have the potential to lift people up, or tear down their spirits. The choice of words we use when we visit a new mom can either be very uplifting and affirming or downright discouraging and unhelpful.
Some examples of unhelpful statements and remarks include:
“Why does your stomach still look so big?”
“Why is your baby so skinny? Is he/she hungry?”
“Things will only get harder, you just wait…”
“Your baby is not sleeping through the night yet??”
“Are you breastfeeding?”
Some of these statements are rather sensitive issues for new moms: postpartum body image, their individual journeys of feeding their babies, getting through the transition into motherhood, managing baby’s sleep while having a lack of sleep themselves. Perhaps we are not trying to be malicious when we ask those questions but to someone who is still struggling with hormonal changes and lack of sleep, these kinds of statements are better left unspoken.
Instead of the above, why not say things like these:
“Can I come bring you something when I visit the baby?”
“How can I help you?”
“Shall I hold your baby for you so you may take a break?”
“Every baby is different so don’t worry if your baby responds differently.”
“You are the best mom for your kid and you’re doing great!”
Bottomline of it all is to consider the needs of the new mom and be empathetic to her situation. If you aren’t a parent yet, yes you may not be aware of the challenges they face. That’s all the more reason to avoid any statements that judge the way their baby is behaving and instead, provide more care and concern for the wellbeing of your friend/family member who just became a new mother.
Try it out the next time you visit a new mother. If you’d like to bring along a gift other than your gift of words, check out our RELAX Kit too, which makes a great practical gift for a new mom.